08/06/26 || 11:16pm
gosh, i really love music. i can always count on at least listening to it to make me happy, but making it is just as fun. and being appreciated for making it, ohh, it's wonderful. and that actually happened to me a little while ago! it's been keeping me going since then, and kinda broken me out of my self-pity. also, being able to actually make something did a lot too. i really don't know why i let myself get so low, but sometimes a little moping can be indulgent. anyway...
i submitted a few tracks to a listening event in the ninsheetmusic discord server, which is one of my favorite places online. i probably wouldn't be the musician i am today without them, and of course i had a lovely time listening to everyone's music! if you're interested, you can find a full list of the night's submissions here. of course, what i want to talk about are my own submissions and how i felt going through the event. i was, to put it lightly, pretty terrified of my showings for the evening. i had submitted three tracks, and each had its own baggage attached that made me worry. the first was my track "Fight Through The Otherworld!", which while i'm certainly proud of is very derivative of its older sister "Fight Through The Dark!", so i've always felt a little strange about it. the third track was my newest, completed the night before after about a day and a half of work, which i titled "Chromatic Aberration", and you can check it out here. nothing is particularly wrong with it, and in fact i was actually quite proud and happy to have made something fully new and original and experimental, but that made my worries about its reception all the more weighty. the second, and the scariest, was a demo for a single i've been working on called "Hate Me", which I have yet to share publicly, and for good reason. it's an immensely personal track, and one of the only things i've ever written lyrics for, not to mention the untested waters of like... making a real song, you know? like, video game stuff is lovely but an actual SONG that could go in an ALBUM and have people PERCEIVE MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?? bleh!!
but i did it. and everyone liked what i had to offer, and it was really nice. i got compliments on my innovation and my improvement and my strong songwriting skills and ability to infuse my work with my passion and feelings, which i really, really want to do. they wanted to see my demo finished and my projects completed and more of my work in the future. and i want to show them, and everyone, that expecting great things from me is the right thing to do. i really want it to be the right thing... i won't let them down. or myself. back to it, i think.
