07/25/26 || 10:43pm
i am still unsure of how to go about doing these. i'm also not sure of how to cover my life experiences in a way that is both succint and interesting to my own satisfaction, but i try anyway. what have i been thinking about? i think the biggest thing is that i need to be much more careful and purposeful about a lot of how i go about my life. that probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but at least i know what i'm talking about. i guess i'll try to give examples. do you ever just... lose time? like, you're sitting down, not really anything on the brain, and you get distracted by that emptiness, and then all of a sudden it's four hours later? it's not always specifically that bad, but it happens often enough that the sum becomes close to those kinds of numbers anyway. because of this, i often feel like i don't have enough time to do everything i want to in a day, which is... i guess not entirely false? like, with the way i spend my time, that's a true assessment of things. but it doesn't have to be like that, y'know? and i find myself very surprised by how much i can get done when i use my time properly, so i have to wonder why i don't let that happen more often. i think this week i can excuse myself a little bit, because i've had a rough one, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like i should be better than this. i've just reacquired the meds i had been missing though, so that should help. i hope i'm not just doomed to the cycle like i usually am.
in better news, i did manage to create some things. these things, specifically. remember how i was talking about battle cats design? you probably don't, but that's one of the fruits of that labor. each of the nine creatures are all about as simple as i could make them, and just like... throwing things against the wall and seeing what sticks? i don't really like all of them that much, but that's what the design process is about, right? we'll see which ones i refine and keep working on and which ones i scrap and what new ones come out of my brain as i get more used to being someone who does this. i think i really did strike some good spots, like with the pebble ghost and straw giant. i'm assured the junior imp is good but i think i could do better. in service of being more purposeful with my time, i'm gonna try to make this an exercise i do with some frequency, so that i can stretch my brain and eventually settle on a set of things i can put in a video game. no i haven't installed a game engine yet, and NO i haven't watched any tutorials. stop asking stupid questions.
i don't mean for these to get so personal and bummery but it is nice having a place to put all this so i'm taking advantage of that. i'm gonna keep working on the site too, and make more places to keep track of my projects both for myself and for any interested parties, who might exist. i'm not counting anything out, including that someone might be reading this. maybe i'll get famous one day and this will be useful history. or something...
